she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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