man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
did i walk over a car last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
