So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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