I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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