guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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