i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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