Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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