the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
