He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
