I CAN MOONWALK!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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