i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
