neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
