I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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