4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
