You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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