Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
