this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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