alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
