Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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