Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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