Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
