last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize