I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
