my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
