ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
