Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize