Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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