I think i peed on brittanys purse
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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