They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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