Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
