I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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