can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
