We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
