I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
