So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
