At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
