Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
