I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
