Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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