Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
