so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize