Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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