so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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