I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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