i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
