you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
