you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
