I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
