According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
