How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
