I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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