hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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