just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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