I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My pussy is not your playground.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
