i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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