She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
