Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
