sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize