Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
