First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As shirtless as possible
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
