but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize