Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
