Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
