neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
