I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Houston, we have a squirter
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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