3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
