I must be too annoying 4 u.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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