I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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