U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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