I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am midnight drunk by noon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I could fuck to npr.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
