I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
