i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
