What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
