where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
