So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
