I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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