Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
