Who did Billy Mays play for?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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