I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
