I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
