When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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