someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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