Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
