U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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