Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
