What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
